Japan: Interracial Dating

Considering the world we live in these days, interracial dating is as common as dating in general. Do we even look at a mixed race couple and think “Oh! Interracial dating!” or do we just see another couple among many others? Well, for us in the west it is very common for someone to date another of different race. But in Japan, it is quite the opposite. It is very rare for a Japanese person to have a foreign girlfriend or boyfriend. There are several factors contributing to this.

Demographics: Japan has a population of around 128,056,026 people. Only 2 million of those people are foreigners, and 60% are entirely made up of Chinese and Koreans. Can you imagine how small the amount of western foreigners in Japan is? This plays a big role in why there is so little interracial dating. There aren’t really enough white foreigners to make it a common situation.

Language: Now the amount of foreigners decreases even more when we take in consideration if they can speak Japanese or not. The language barrier can be a huge… well, barrier to dating someone since you can’t even communicate. This is intimidating for the Japanese.

Stereotypes: Stereotypes stamp people rather permanently. The Japanese have a certain view on westerners, and vice versa. While stereotypes can be positive or negative, it is the negative ones that keep people from interracial dating in Japan. Things such as, “Westerners move too fast in a relationship” or “Westerners are wild” can cloud people’s judgments so that the Japanese won’t even consider dating a westerner… even if they are nothing like that. Westerners as well can be narrow minded thinking “I don’t want to date a shy person, so I won’t date anyone Japanese” when there are plenty of un-shy Japanese people.

Public Image: While many in Japan find it “cool” to have a foreign girlfriend or boyfriend, there is a fair amount of Japanese that consider it as unwanted attention. Remember, Japan is a place where everyone wants to blend in… not stand out. Having a foreign companion will definitely not make them fit in. Many just want to do what is normal and dating a foreigner over there is an unavoidable attention magnet. Everyone would be staring, wondering, assuming, and so on. It can be uncomfortable.

If you are living in Japan then I apologize if a lot of these factors can make dating over there seem hopeless, but do not lose confidence! It is a challenge, but definitely not impossible. Everyone is different. You’ll be surprised by Japanese people who can speak English, Japanese people who think westerners are not too different from them, Japanese people who have dated foreigners before, and the list goes on.

I hope this was helpful and leave any thoughts in the comments below! J

Steps to dating in Japan

The whole dating process in Japan is unusually different from the typical “Hey, you’re pretty chill so let’s go out” mindset that the west has. There are several steps and rules before and after you begin to date someone. I’m going to explain briefly how the process would go for typical high schoolers in Japan.  (By the way, a lot of things I’m about to say may sound like its coming straight from a manga, but believe it or not, they really highlight all the steps clearly and simply.) 
 

First Phase: The silent crush

This is the first phase of the entire process. This is before the girl even knows her crushes name. It is a big thing in Japan to have crushes… but never to voice them out. High school is a really innocent time in their lives, and so just liking someone from afar is enough for many. We already know Japanese people can be pretty shy. They just cannot casually state “I like you.” the way the west does. There needs to be formality in it. Confrontation is extremely disliked in Japan, and avoided as much as possible. Keep this in mind when wanting to bring something up with someone and handling certain things.

Second Phase: The love letter

This is rather stereotypical, but I was surprised to know that it is still very evident in Japanese society. When a girl has a crush on someone, she might decide to give the so called ‘confession letter’ to him. Not everyone does this because obviously everyone will express their love in different ways.  Anyways, they opt to do this because it can be very discrete, and they can write down exactly how they feel in the calmness of their own home for example. The letter conveniently conveys their feelings in a less threatening way (remember no confrontation). The recipient then either accepts or rejects the girl. A popular way for guys and girls to meet is at a “GOUKON.” It is usually a small gathering of an equal amount of boys and girls. I believe they sometimes place personal belongings either in a bowl ornon the table and “draw out” pairs.

Third Phase: The beginning

This is when you first begin dating someone. It is such an innocent phase because I’ve been told nothing really changes except for the fact that you are not single anymore. In high school it is common for the girl to not approach her boyfriend if he is with his friends. A girl and her boyfriend will not particularly spend any special time with each other, or immediately become very close. In Japan, the relationship you have with your boyfriend is very private, and not something for the public or even your friends to know. Unlike in the west where every emotion and event in your life is posted onto facebook, Japanese respect their privacy and dislike public speculation.  The beginning of the relationship isn’t about immediately becoming intimate, but slowly getting to know the other person as well as you can. There is some ‘responsibility’ in taking initiative to learn little important things about your boyfriend because it is the best way to show you care.

Fourth Phase:  The special firsts

Not long after the innocent phase passes by, the relationship will deepen. A girl and her boyfriend will finally go on their first date, which is considered very special because the girl is expected to dress rather nicely no matter what they decide to do. Public display of affection is not common in Japan, and that is why in mangas they love to create that guy who breaks all the rules and kisses the girl in front of a crowd anyways. But in reality, expect to only be kissing him when it’s just the two of you.

Fifth Phase: Finally

The last phase is when you are finally a proper couple that is comfortable with each other and can be a little more intimate. During this time the girl will approach her boyfriend with more confidence, and there are no rules anymore. It is a great casual time, and you can truly say you are in a relationship at this point.

I hope you found this post informative and helpful! If you have any thoughts about this, please leave a comment! J

How to blend in with Japan's youth culture

Tokyo, Japan, has the most diverse and interesting youth culture in the world! The himes, gyarus, punks, and cosplayers. Everyone is different, but here are 6 steps that will make you look like you are one of them.

1. CIRCLE LENS: Doesn't matter what type, size, or color. As long as you are wearing some contacts in your eyes, you will have mastered the number one fashion must have.

2. HAIR: There are alot of girls that dye their hair, and in Japan I have noticed many opt for the same exact color. An auburn reddish brown. Almost all the girls are rocking this color, and if not, they have that natural dark black. The style is always feminine like loose waves with cute things in their hair or full front bangs.

3. NAILS: This might seem a little ridiculous but, getting your nails done in the correct japanese way will instantly make you one of them. The whole deco den hime nail craze is HUGE.

4. CLOTHING: The way you dress is completely up to you considering that Japan has a very intense and unique fashion sense that ranges from sweet lolita to OL (office lady). But, when the girls are walking the streets of shibuya in their everyday clothes, a very unifying trademark trend is to wear thigh high black socks, or school girl leg warmers in white.

5.  KEITAI: Ah, the famous japanese keitai (cellphone). Phones are more popular than the internet in Japan, and that is why facebook failed to launch there. Every need of yours will be somehow connected to a cellphone, and trust me, you will need one to fit in because it will be your EVERYTHING.

6. STREET SMART: You really need to know those hot spots, slang words, trends, etiquettes, manners, and anything else thats going around in Japan. One very important thing is music! Know your stuff and you won't be so introverted at the next karaoke gathering... boy do they love karaoke. Another important thing is, a lot of people like to meet by the hachiko statue (The legendary dog.) and so remember it as an all around great meeting place for any occassion.
That's all I got for now, please share your thoughts on this subject in the comments! :)

University In Japan?

If there is something I'd like to do, it's go to Japan for university. I'm now on my last year of high school and I have to start making decisions. Since I'm so passionate and obsessed with Japan's culture, I know I wouldn't be dissapointed if I'd go there. I've been looking at Waseda University at the moment. It's definitely my favorite... followed by Temple University, Sophia University, and Keio. Only thing is of course... money. I didn't realize it was so expensive and now little by little my future is changing away from that dream to one that is more "financially suitable." I would definitely regret it if I didn't somehow try to get to Japan no matter what. And yes, I'm aware of scholarships but I'm an exhausted burned out IB2 student who just wants this last year to be over with. Meaning, I won't be pushing myself for near perfect grades that only God could dream of. I'll do my best and see if it's enough.

Good Luck Seniors of 2011-2012.